The Teacher Who Got Fired (Thevideotour1's version)
Alex: Oh, man. My dad thinks that I'm a total loser. I've ruined my parents' lives. * Marty: That is certainly not crack-a-lacking. * Alex: This is the lacking in the cracking, my friends. I have to fix this. * Melman: Well...there's...um...there's something I have to warn you. * Gloria: Hey, guys. Is this place great or what?! * (she bounces and rocks the wrecked plane) * Alex: I'd do with "or what". * Gloria: Well, I'll warn you what. You're not gonna believe, but...ha! I have a date with Moto Moto. Heh-heh! * Melman: Who's Moto Moto? * Gloria: Oh, he's so big and handsome and big! Know what "Moto Moto" means? * Melman: Twins? * Marty: It means, "Hot Hot". * Melman: "Hot Hot"? * Gloria: Where did you start parlez-ing African? * Marty: It is in my blood. * Melman: Well, don't worry, you can flirt around with Mr. Hot Pants after I'm gone. * Gloria: What is the deal, Melman? Why am I the parade and you're the rain? * Melman: Why are you driving your parade under my rain? * Gloria: Well, perhaps I'll just parade myself in another part of town! * Alex: Woah, woah, woah, guys. * Melman: Fine by me and by the way, Main Street's mine! * Gloria: Well, you can have your own stinking Main Street! * Alex: Guys! * Melman: And you can take your hotee-tot float and Mr. Hotee Moto Moto... * Alex: Woah, guys, c'mon. * Gloria: My hotee-tot float what?! What are you speaking about? * Marty: What are we speaking about? * Alex: C'mon, Melman. Why don't you just warn her? * Melman: You warn what? Warn her...what are you speaking about? I don't know what you're speaking about. * Gloria: Well, I guess I'll go, then. * Melman: You know what? Don't bother. * Gloria: Well, don't get up on my account. * Alex: No, no, no. Melman! Gloria! * Marty: Hey, I thought you guys were friends! * Alex: C'mon, guys. Marty's absolutely right. * Marty: Marty? * Real Marty: Marty? * Alex: Marty? * (the chimp falls off) * Real Marty: What the heck is going on? * Alex: You're not...? Oh! He was...no, I thought he...you're not him. He's...oh. * Real Marty: You thought that guy was me? * Alex: No, no, no. I mean, yes, yes, you do...guys, c'mon. * Marty: You thought I was him? * Alex: You guys kind of do look a little...you know, you look a lot alike. Marty, you look a lot alike. C'mon, you laugh alike, you speak alike. He has the same speech pattern. I mean it's a little weird, really. Well, you guys are...I mean, c'mon, Marty. * Real Marty: Well, you're saying there's nothing unique about me. I'm just like any other zebra. * Alex: No. Of course you're different! * Martys: How? * Alex: Alright, hold on. I can't warn you apart. Perhaps you could wear a bell or something. I don't know. * Real Marty: A bell?! * Alex: Alright, not a bell. No, bell's a bad idea. * Real Marty: No, no, no. How about a T-shirt that says, "I'm with stupid"? * Marty: I'm not stupid! * Real Marty: Not you, stupid! Him, stupid! * Alex: You know what? While you've been doing the prancing pony with your posse, I've been having the worst day of my life. Alright? * Real Marty: It's always about you, isn't it? * Alex: My problems are just a little bit bigger than yours, Marty. Alright, I couldn't warn you apart. Well, what? (Marty walks off) Yes, fine. Run away, Marty! Run away! That's what you do best! Just like back in New York! * Real Marty: I'm right here. But you can't warn that, right? * (Alex moans in frustration) * Real Marty: Your one-of-a-million friend hopes you enjoy your bigger-than-anyone-else's problems alone! * Alex: Good, leave! I don't need you to help me solve my problems! You know what? You're a dime a dozen! I can warn which one's Marty! Oh, which one's Marty? Wait a moment, wait a moment. Oh, yes, I don't care! * Real Marty: Nice hat, you showoff! * (Alex gets brokenhearted) * Alex: Marty, don't go.